I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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