need another drink. this is the easiest way
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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