you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
