my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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