Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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