The best revenge is premature balding
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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