Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
