Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
