yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i will never coherently bang her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
