I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's rum buckets o'clock
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
