apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
