Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
