Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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