Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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