Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the condom got lost in my hair
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
