Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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