I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
