Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
