I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
