i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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