I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
