So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
