Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
