Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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