would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
