Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
