he thought i was a dude.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
