so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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