Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize