I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Even my vagina gasped.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
