he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
