how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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