your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
