Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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