i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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