I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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