You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
