All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
