I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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