Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
