dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
