i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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