the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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