So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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