I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want a musical about memes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
