Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
