I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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