Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
