got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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