Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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