I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
