I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
