Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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