so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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