idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
