I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
