Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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