I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
