to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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