I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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