glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
