We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
