Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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