This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
