No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
