Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
