That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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