Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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