butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
